Gushing. Flooding in. It is so much to bear. The overwhelming torture of loss on the grandest scale. How? Why? Why… My heart is broken at my feet. Trampled over and weary. My poor heart. I can’t. I just can’t take anymore. My exhaustion is exhausted. Empty. Done. There is no more. I cried and cried, there is no more cry. Now I am numb. So numb. This fog and smog is so thick, so heavy. I don’t. I don’t want it. I never did. I never asked for this, why would I. Who would ask for this.
The bodies, oh the bodies. The stench of death that cries out, be grateful it isn’t you. Except I can’t. I don’t feel grateful. I feel anger, sadness and the desolation of all that I have lost. I just can’t.
Child. Child. Dear child. I weep for this pain you bear. My tears, they stream an unending torrent. Let me help you. Let me shoulder some of this burden. This weight, so heavy, let me ease this load.
I cannot see you. I cannot feel you. Yet you say you are there. Who are you anyways, it is so unclear.
I am the way, the truth, the light.
What does that even mean? I don’t see a way past this and all I knew is gone. Where is the light in that?
Child. Dear child. The light is inside of you. This light lives in harmony with your breath. The breath of life, you’ve heard that before. This is your spark, your light. If there is breath, there is light. This light, though dim still shines. You will restore what has been lost to you. This restoration will take on many different forms. Let yourself surrender into the kindness from strangers, hold onto the simplest of good deeds. Your source within is your source without. God, your creator is the divine spark inside of you. I am you, you are me, none are greater than the next is the love letter sent. The shock will wear off. The fear will fade. Call upon your angels. Call upon your ancestors. Know that you have never truly been alone. Close your eyes. Breathe, just breathe.