Welcome Nathan. There is a lot of love for you here. You are so missed by your family. (He is not ready yet.)
Why did you take your own life Nathan? (I feel shame.)
Why didn’t you leave a note? Your family doesn’t understand why this happened. ‘I couldn’t. How could I? Writing a note would have made me change my mind.’
Do you wish you had now? ‘Yes, I do.’
Are you at peace now Nathan? ‘No.’
Why don’t you have peace? ‘How can I? Look at who I hurt. I’m still hurting knowing what I did to them. I was supposed to be the role model right, someone to look up to. Only I wasn’t, what a sham. Put on a happy face and act perfect. “Who me? I’m perfectly fine.”
Nobody expected you to be perfect, you put that burden on yourself. ‘I know. I just carried that for so long. Every fuck up stayed with me, every-single-one.’
What could have been so bad that it could not be forgiven? ‘I’m not going there.’
You don’t have to. Your family has forgiven you, they love you. ‘Why would they still love me after that!’
Love is never lost Nathan. Never. (I feel his full energy. His head is in his hands, he’s rubbing his forehead on his palm, thinking.)
Nathan. ‘Yes?’ It’s time. ‘For what?’ To forgive yourself. To find your peace is to find your connection to your families love.
‘I want that, so bad. How can I forgive what I did? I put them through hell.’
That stops today. It’s time to release this pain, it’s time to let it go. ‘How?’
Do you see him? ‘It’s Jesus. Holy shit, It’s Jesus!’ (Jesus puts his left hand on Nathans’ shoulder, his right hand is on his heart.)
Jesus says; ‘Nathan, your heart is known to me.’ (There is no need for words. Jesus is healing his heart. A single tear falls from Nathan’s left eye. Jesus is gone.)
‘Fuck. Oh my God! Did you just see that?! Oh my God! That was F’n Jesus. Oh my God. Oh my God. Wow. Do you feel that?’
I do. It feels lighter doesn’t it. ‘So much lighter! The weights off my chest. It was so goddamn heavy too, it was.’
Is there a message you wish to share with your family before I go Nathan? ‘I’m sorry. I can feel their love now. I couldn’t feel it before, I only felt the loss but now it feels different. Thank you, thank you. Thank you from my whole heart, I mean it, thank you.’
You are most welcome Nathan. Thank you for trusting me. ‘I do trust you. I needed you, Thank you.’
I have one more question if I may? ‘Sure, anything.’
How do we help prevent people from taking their life? How do we reach them before they act?
‘Be real. Ask the hard questions. Go deep. Share your own stories of despair and redemption. Connect. Hand to hand. Heart to heart. Don’t be afraid to ask if suicide is on their mind…’
Wow. I felt that last line. Love and peace to you Nathan. There it is, don’t be afraid to ask…
‘There it is.’ (Nathan gives me the peace sign.)
Channeled message from Nathan. He was just 32 years old when he took his own life.